What was the silliest thing you argued about during pregnancy?
Pregnancy is more than just the extra hormones and physical changes in your body. Both of you are adjusting to one of the most major changes in your life. It isn't surprising that you and your partner are experiencing feelings difficult to share in a positive way.
Believe it or not, a peaceful, transparent relationship IS possible during pregnancy.
The key is identifying your communication blunders and stopping them in their tracks.
Here are five of the most common communication issues that couples experience during pregnancy (and easy steps to avoid them)
1. Pick the wrong moment to bring it up
Do you tend to bring up serious discussion when you had a tough day?
Try to avoid discussing anything serious before you go to bed as both of you are probably extra tired or are anxious about not getting enough sleep.
2. Focus your energy on the negatives only
"You ALWAYS were a..."
"You NEVER ....."
Talk about your hopes and dreams for your family. When you only focus on the negatives, you are convincing your brain to believe it over time. Establish a habit of always sharing the positives, you will start to find those small gems that give you a tremendous amount of joy in everyday life.
3. Talk more than listen to each other
Remember the feeling of not being heard even if you are repeating it over and over again?
In relationships, communication should be more about understanding each other's vulnerability. Simple acts like pausing before you start to respond to your partner and repeating what your partner says help to foster that understanding-oriented communication.
4. Say the things you know you shouldn’t have
"My ex was better in bed"
Being able to trust what each other says is very important in communication. Set up ground rules with your partner with things that are absolutely not tolerant to talk about in your relationship. This saves you the damage control and helps to prevent the vicious circle of shaming and love bombing that follows.
5. Reflect your feelings on your partner
"I will never be good enough for you"
Your ancient brain can't separate facts from stories sometimes. Even if you feel like its a fact, those strong emotions you feel are often triggered by things you think or believe base on your past experiences.
When you feel agitated over something, take a pause and start the talk with this sentence: "I'm making up a story in my mind that...(insert what you want to say)..."
Starting a sentence here shows to your partner that you are more interested in understanding each other instead of right or wrong.
Awareness is already half of the work of great communication!
Share with your other half and discuss which of the above is the most relevant to you and start with those simple practices mentioned in this post.
Keep in mind that you need to train your communication style like muscles, focus on the next small thing you can change if it doesn't go well in the beginning and keep trying. Be each other's cheerleader and reflect together on your progress.
Want to learn more about whether you relationship can last after pregnancy? Click here to take a simple quiz to find out.
P.S. We discussed the importance of Emotional Literacy in this post, in case you want to dive deeper into foster true understanding in your relationship.
P.P.S. We are obsessed with simple tools that make a great impact on the family. Create a true understanding of our Couple Journal for Pregnancy.